I worry a lot. I worry about everything. I know that. So to keep my mind from worrying, I’ve arranged a pretty good line up of activities last weekend. Saturday morning to afternoon, my mother and I went to divisoria to buy shirts as i’ve said. Later that afternoon, we brought Sam, our mini-pinscher, to the vet because he got his leg injured. Turned out that he has weak bones so the vet gave him vitamins, antibiotic, calcium and pain reliever. After going to the vet, we went to my Ninang to just hang out over isaw and ihaw na bulaklak. When we got home at around 8pm, I drew a cartoon of myself inspired by the naruto vector that I saw in divisoria and finished the shirt (drawing, coloring, printing and ironing) by midnight. By the time I was about to worry, I fell asleep. Sweet. Sunday morning, we went to church and then had lunch. When we got home, I turned to the printed drawings that I need to finish cutting and ironing. my body was busy but my mind was somehow thinking about work. After I finished four shirts, we all went out for a badminton session. It’s been a while since I last played badminton so my body still hurts until now after all the “smashing” and “picking up of shuttle cocks.” hehe. I was sorta shy when we played because after about 10 mins, there’s this group of professional-looking players who came but after seeing them play, I was a bit smug. haha. I’m not that bad. nyaha. I’m planning to make the badminton thing a weekly habit. I haven’t had any physical activities for quite some time now. I think my body’s getting weak so let me try this one out. I hope laziness won’t kick in soon. After all the perspiration, we went home, freshened up, had dinner and then went to my friend’s tita’s funeral. Her tita was only 46. Going to funerals makes me realize how life is so short. How we should spend it with things that matter. (NOT work! oops sorry, it slipped. haha.) We went home at around 10pm and I was so tired so I fell asleep as soon as my back touched the bed. Monday wasn’t any good. I woke up early to go to palengke with nanay and Joshua. We went home at around lunchtime and I didn’t have anything to do because I was supposed to be sleeping in preparation for my shift which starts at 11pm. So there, worrying at its best. I don’t even know why I was worrying and what I was worrying about. Maybe because the project was known to be so big that it scares me. I wasn’t able to get a good sleep because of it.

I agreed to be on night shift because there’s noone else to do it but me. They said I am capable that’s why they chose me. We made a compromise because I really have issues on being on nightshift. I get depressed. I left my first job because of the schedule. I don’t like it because it’s not normal. I don’t know. I just don’t like being on night shift. So we agreed. 1.5 months of nightshift and if I really don’t like it, I can go back to dayshift. They just need someone to be there in replacement of the previous QA who left the company. I’ve spent a month already and I can’t wait for the next 3 weeks to be over. I know, we only have 4 nights of work so Friday is all ours. Traffic is not that bad at night. But there’s something in the schedule that makes me sad. I’m holding on to their promise of 1.5 months even when all of the nightshift guys are saying that 1.5 months is actually equal to 1.5 years. No, i have faith on our manager’s words so I believe her. It’s harder because I have a good feeling that the one who would replace me on nightshift is a very close friend and I know that she doesn’t like this schedule just like me. But what can I do? I’m starting to have these thoughts of looking for another job, a better place, better schedule, better work assignments better pay and all. I’m starting to think of the other opportunities I’ve had when I took the offer from this company. I know that these are not good signs at all. It just means that i’m no longer happy with what I’m doing. I didn’t have these thoughts when I was on day shift. I actually liked my job then. I like my job but not the schedule. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me being a DQ all over again. and that’s a sign too. I hope they live up to their promise. If they do. 3 more weeks. 3 more weeks then we’ll see where this goes. 3 more weeks then I hope all these thoughts are gone. 3 more weeks, derick. you can do it. prove them that you can perform even if you don’t like the situation.

It was a struggle to go to the office this day because i’m not feeling well and because I am on a laterr shift. My shift used to be 9pm-7am. Now, it’s 11pm-9am to touchbase with the clients in the morning. I was already coping with 9-7 and then this new schedule. Plus I’ve got the colds today and it’s not cool at all. While I was doing my daily rituals before working, (checking email and all), I saw this quote: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” and I felt better. So the point of this long boring post is actually just to share this quote. to all worrywarts out there like me, this quote is for you.

Donate to the Philippine Red Cross for ONDOY victims

September 26, 2009 — ninaterol

Monetary Donations

1. CASH or CHECK
Please send cash or check donations to the PNRC National Headquarters in Manila. Checks should be made payable to The Philippine National Red Cross. We can also arrange for donation pick-up.

2. BANK DEPOSIT
Account Name: The Phil. Nat’l. Red Cross

METROBANK
Port Area Branch
Peso Acct.: 151-3-041-63122-8
Dollar Acct.: 151-2-151-00218-2
Type of Acct. : SAVINGS
Swift Code: MBTC PH MM

BANK OF THE PHIL. ISLANDS
Port Area Branch
Peso Acct.: 4991-0010-99
Type of Account: CURRENT

BANK OF THE PHIL. ISLANDS
UN Branch
Dollar Acct.: 8114-0030-94
Type of Account: SAVINGS
Swift Code: BOPI PH MM

For your donations to be properly acknowledged, please fax the bank transaction slip at nos. +63.2.527.0575 or +63.2.404.0979 with your name, address and contact number.

Credit Card

Please fax the following info to +632.404.09.79 and +632.527.0575:

Name of card member, billing address, contact nos. (phone & mobile), credit card no., expiration date, CCV2/ CVC2 (last three digits at the back of the credit card), billing address, amount to be donated.

For online donations you may also visit our website at www.redcross.org.ph .

In-Kind Donations

LOCAL
Please send in-kind local donations to The Philippine National Red Cross – National Headquarters in Manila. We could also arrange for donation pick-up.

INTERNATIONAL

1. Send a letter of intent to donate to the PNRC
2. A letter of acceptance from PNRC shall be sent back to the donor
3. Immediately after shipping the goods, please send the (a) original Deed of Donation, (b) copy of packing list and (c) original Airway Bill for air shipments or Bill of Lading for sea shipments to The Philippine National Red Cross–National Headquarters c/o Secretary General Corazon Alma de Leon, Bonifacio Drive, Port Area, Manila 2803, Philippines.

The PNRC does not accept rotten, damaged, expired or decayed goods. Though we appreciate your generosity, the PNRC also discourages donations of old clothes as we have more than enough to go around.

SMS and G-CASH (Globe)

SMS
text RED<space>AMOUNT to 2899 (Globe) or 4483 (Smart)

G-CASH
text DONATE<space>AMOUNT<space>4-digit M-PIN<space>REDCROSS to 2882

Most urgent needs

Food items: Rice, noodles, canned goods, sugar, iodized salt, cooking oil, monggo beans and potable water

Medicines: Paracetamol, antibiotics, analgesic, oral rehydration salts, multivitamins and medications to treat diarrheal diseases

Non-food items: Bath soaps, face towels, shampoo, toothbrush, toothpaste, plastic mats, blankets, mosquito nets, jerry cans, water containers, water purification tablets, plastic sheetings, and Laundry soap

Rehabilitation Programs: Shelter materials for house repair

Call Hotline 143 or 527.0000

THE PHILIPPINE NATIONAL RED CROSS
NATIONAL HEADQUARTERS
Bonifacio Drive, Port Area,
Manila 2803, Philippines

The event started at 1PM. Around 24 seats are available for bloggers. Food is served at the back. WiFi connectivity is awesome. A great Sunday it is.

I believe the main purpose of this Blogger’s Event is to test the WiFi connectivity AND to have us taste the food of the SM Bacoor Foodcourt Tenants. Astig! Syempre, let’s not forget about meeting new friends!

I’m with Joshua, my brother. We are well-assisted. The organizers are very approachable and, i don’t know, they make me feel like I’m special. We are treated as if we are food critics. And we are loving it.

The food is overflowing. SM Foodcourt Tenants are generous enough to have us taste their specialties.

The Participants

-Shawarma
-Smoking Hot
-Isda
-Kusina ni Gracia
-Kamay Kainan
-Lydia’s Lechon
-Inihaw Express
-Baliwag Lechon Manok
-Seafood Grill
-Pinoy Toppings
-Hen Lin

The Food 

I would say that my personal favorite is the Mixed Seafood by Isda. Squid, Tahong, and other seafood all in one dish, I’ll definitely have it again next time I visit the mall. Lechon from Lydia’s Lechon is a star. Love it. The orange-flavored shrimp is different and very good. Oooh! The Bibingkinitan! I’ve always wanted to try it and they served it here and yes… It is A-Ma-Zing. I always see people in the foodcourt eating Hen Lin’s Wanton soup and I now understand why. Yummy! Hen Lin gave us “Special Asado” siopao as well.   Pinoy Toppings gave away Tapsilogs, though I did not get one, I know it’s good because I always eat there! haha! Shawarma which my brother loved, instantly poofed away. Poor shawarma, existence flew in an instant. The grilled chicken is awesome. Sinigang sa Miso made my heart melt. Pure awesomeness.

Other Noteworthy Thingees

Giftcheques from Freshaire for everyone! Thanks Freshaire!
AND for the first time in my entire life, I won a gift certificate from a RAFFLE! Baliwag GC worth P150! Thanks Baliwag Lechon Manok!
Oh! Oh! Oh! The organizers said we can go to the mall tour of 6cyclemind! WOOHOO!

Plus! They’re giving away 2 mobile phones and 1 webcam! Generous!

Awesome Peeps

Lace – http://styleandrelax.blogspot.com
Liza – http://lizacastronuevo.blogspot.com
Chris – http://lifeonapencil.blogspot.com
Az – http://azraelcoladilla.com

 I’ll finish this when I get home

Thank you so much to Sherrie Anne for inviting me.

———————————

Hello,

Ginawa ko to a year ago.. Naalala mo ung nagtetext tau some time in April 2007? Nung tumigil tau sa pagtetext, ginawa ko to.. Sinulat ko ung lyrics, inimbento ko ung tono, kinapa ko ung chords.. pero sa recorded version na to, si joshua ung naggigitara para makafocus ako sa pagkanta.. uulitin ko pa to, kasi di standard ung tuning nung gitara saka mejo mataas (nakakangalay).. gusto ko sana iparinig sayo kasi di ko alam baka magsawa ka na sa pagtext saken.. kaya bago mangyari un, eto, sana magustuhan mo.. mejo mataas ah, pagpasensyahan mo na boses ko, di kagandahan pero mula sa puso ang lyrics ko..

Next to you

I’ve been keeping myself busy again today.
trying hard to keep the feelings out of the way.

but when i close my eyes i see your smile shining through
and those eyes that makes me wanna give in to you

Refrain:
if there’s something that i would ask
it’s the love that we had in the past
if there’s something that i would do
it would be me standing next to you

Chorus:
i don’t need another girl
i don’t need another friend
i don’t need nobody
it’s you im missing so much
i don’t need this kind of life
if you’re not by my side
the only thing i ask- can i stay there next to you?.. Ooh ooh.. Woah woah..

I must be crazy for letting you go away
when inside me, im hoping that you would stay

now here without you its hard to make it through.
so please hear me out,i love you, you know i do..

[repeat Refrain]
[repeat Chorus]

Bridge:
All i ask is to be with you
Spend my lifetime just loving you
If you give me another chance
i promise to make it last

[attached: next to you.mp3]

———————————

This was the very first song I wrote. I wonder when will the muses shower me again with inspiration to write another.

Without any idea at all, myself and a whole lot of others were transported from one of our sites to the HR site in Makati. Some had ideas on what is going on. Me? Nah, maybe this isn’t it. maybe, not everybody is sent there to get their heads cut off. besides, we are not really sure of what’s going on. maybe we will be re-assigned to a different group, a different building. maybe this is just a VERY special meeting. special because we’re especially picked up with a rented vehicle from our offices and off to the HR site we go. A VERY special meeting this MUST really be.

Employee A: This is it. Let’s face it. The e-mail sent earlier says it all. This is the end.

Shut up! You’re not sure of that. Maybe you misunderstood the e-mail.

We arrived in the site with a lot of other people scattered around the area. Some of them were my friends. But I did not talk to them. A very weird feeling surrounded the room. As if heavy dark clouds were overtaking my usually sunny and bright sky. It scared the hell out of me. Maybe it is indeed true. Maybe this is really the end. I ignored it and moved out of the room. I went to Starbucks to see if there’s anything that would keep my mind from thinking what the real deal is. There, a lot of my previous teammates were having coffee. Although I have a lot of questions, I didn’t dare ask. I was too scared to do so. But an employee from behind asked them what really is going on. And then they said it. They have confirmed what I was denying since morning. They were separated from the company. They were laid off.

I heard a loud thud from within my chest. The room felt like getting smaller and smaller. Closing in on me.

Denial.
Me: Baka naman hindi lahat ng nandito parepareho ng kaso. Baka naman hindi lahat.
Teammate: Ano ka ba, Derick. Kinuha na nga nila ung Access cards namin eh.

I left the place. I felt heavy. I remained silent.

When it was my turn to have the talk with the SE, I was in a daze. The only question I asked was “Is it because of my performance?” I know for sure that I’m good. You even recognized me “nationwide” not less than 4 months ago. What’s up with that?
He said that it’s a criteria but it does not apply to everybody. What?!

I called my mother to tell her what happened.
Nay, wag ka po mabibigla. Wag muna kayo magrereact. Patapusin nyo po muna ako ha. Okay lang ako.
I was trying very hard to keep my voice from breaking. I should be strong. For my family.
Wala na po akong trabaho…
I didn’t know how to go on. I didn’t know what else to say.
She started crying. She cried really hard.
Oyy, wag naman kayo umiyak. Para namang hindi na ko ulit makakahanap ng trabaho nyan oh. Okay lang yan. I’m only 22, marami pang iba jan. At don’t worry, marami tayong pera. They gave me a huge sum of money. I can even buy laptops for all of us.
I feigned a laugh. A very weak laugh.

The call ended. She was still crying when I said goodbye.

A few minutes later, Tatay called me.
Okay lang yan anak. Nagtitiwala ako sayo. Magaling ka kaya hindi ka mahihirapan humanap ng trabaho. Chance mo na magpahinga. Kahit nga hindi ka muna maghanap ng trabaho. Magpahinga ka muna, anak.
I cried. I always try to be strong for my mother and my siblings. But when it is my father who talks like that, i can’t help but cry. After the call, even though I felt like crying more, I wore a big smile. A lot were crying all around and I did not want to be like them. I just kept on moving away from them.

We were then sent back to our offices to gather our stuffs and save our personal files. “By 4pm, you’ll lose access to the websites and to the office premises as well.” The statement echoed. It repeated over and over on my head as we went back to the office.

When we arrived, those we left that morning in the office were asking us what happened. I just smiled and silently packed my things. I said goodbye. Hugged my dearest friends. Hugged even those I didn’t actually know. Took their mobile numbers. Gave away stuffs as remembrance pieces (and to lessen the things I would need to carry home). I did all those things as fast as i could. The whole floor was sad. The whole floor was shocked.

With one last big sigh, a heavy heart, swollen eyes and a lot of heavy personal things to take home, I took my final step. Headed outside the office premises. Outside the company I thought would be my home for the next 5 years at least. I don’t hold anything against the company. I understand that sh*t happens. and a very big sh*t it was.

to be continued…

I came with my brother and a few of my closest friends – Mich, Nieray, Ar-Ar and Sir Mai. Too bad some of my friends did not make it today but it was still fun! This was the first time I have attended an event like this and ironically, I’m not playing the game anymore. The last time I played Ragnarok was Nov ’07 – totally eons ago.

Today, Oct 19, was the schedule for the finals of Ragnarok and everything else. I’m honestly not familiar with the other games anymore. Also, this day was when the costplay (if that’s how you spell it) was held. We saw bunch of peeps with extravagant costumes. I bet they spent fortunes for their costumes but i’m pretty sure it was all worth it – imagine the attention given to them by every one. Noticeably, more attention were given to ladies who wore sexy costumes. Imagine how the boys stared at them (including me and my brother – guilty!) as if they were going to eat them. haha! There were crossdressers too and imagine how the boys stared at them too (/gg). I was surprised by the creativity of these people (costplayers). A lot of booths were set up selling different goodies like souvenir shirts, ragnarok items, headgears, and many other memorabilias. We got a shirt with /hungry on the front and our names at the back. Also, there were food stands outside selling at an incredibly higher price. Imagine a hotdog sandwich at P60 and coke in can at P40. I know that’s cheap but that is way higher than the normal price. /e1 Food is not allowed inside and we forgot that little detail just after we (josh and i) bought our food. The Battle for the Third between Philippines and Indonesia was like starting in 8 mins and we have sandwiches and sodas in our hands. We ate those in 5 mins as if somebody was chasing after us and then we headed inside to watch the game. Luckily, we were just in time for the match but unfortunately, Philippines was defeated. Indonesia was third, Korea was second and Thailand was the Champion again.

The final match was so exciting that i was almost at my feet. Good thing I kept seated because we were in front and I think that if i stood, i would be beaten up to death. The match was very tight. It was a race to three and both teams scored 2 points each. I was screaming and cheering even though Team Pilipinas did not make it to the finals.

Oh! and they have given a laptop! I was hoping i’d come home with a laptop the moment they announced that they were giving a laptop! raffle tickets were divided on i think five boxes. Upon entering the hall, you’d fill out a ticket and specify the main game that you are playing. Of course, for me that’s Ragnarok. The tickets were then placed to the boxes (of the five games – Ragnarok, Flyff, RF, Perfect World & Freestyle). They decided that they would pick the winner from the box with the loudest cheer from the audience. The crowd was mainly composed of Ragnarok players so I was confident that it will be drawn from our box. And they did. My stub, i think, was at the bottom of that container and I was glad when the raffleman dug through the container. I prayed hard but I did not win. Haha! But that’s okay. I didn’t even know that they were giving away a laptop anyway. I came home with a big smile on my face. It was nice to bond with my friends but it was more fun because we bonded over our favorite game of all time… Ragnarok!

Rok on!

-=[derickcreme]=- (Tyr)

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?

Nasusuka ako, kinakain na ang loob
Masakit na mga tuhod, kailangan bang lumuhod?
Gusto ko lang naman, yung totoo 
Yung tipong ang sagot, hindi rin isang tanong

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?

Dahil di na makatulog (makatulog)
Dahil di na makakain (makakain)
Dahil di na makatawa (makatawa)
Dahil di na

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito na lang ako

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo… Nahihilo…
Nalilito…

Pano nga ba tau nagkakilala?
Magkaklase kasi tayo tapos dahil sa common friends naten, naging magtropa tayo. Di ko na maalala kung sino ang unang nakipagkilala. Kung pano tayo eksaktong nagkalapit. Ang naalala ko lang eh madalas tayo nagdudurugan ng kamay. Uso kasi noon na pag nag-shakehands, pipisiling maigi ung kamay hanggang sa maiyak sa sakit ang ka-shakehands mo. Kahit papayat-payat ako nun, undefeated ako sa kalokohang to. At ikaw, bilang isang astig na babae, eh hinamon mo ko. Astig ka kasi. Hindi ka ung tomboyin ang dating pero ikaw ung tipo ng babae na malambing pero hindi magagago ng kahit sino.

Hinamon mo kong magdurugan ng kamay. Pagkahawak ng mga kamay naten, alam kong may kakaiba. Inumpisahan mong ipitin ang kamay ko, bawat buto parang madudurog, masakit talaga. Malakas ka nga. Hindi ko tinangkang lumaban. Una sa lahat, babae ka, kaya hinayaan ko lang. Pangalawa sa lahat, meron ngang kakaiba akong naramdaman. Di ko namamalayan na araw-araw na naten yoong ginagawa. Masakit kung sa masakit pero hinahayaan ko lang. May nararamdaman kasi akong kuryente kapag hawak ko ang kamay mo. Di nagtagal, sa tuwing hahawakan ko ang kamay mo, hindi mo na dinudurog ang kamay ko. Dun ko nalaman na malambot pala ang kamay mo. Ang dating shakehand-position ng mga kamay naten ay nag-iba. Naging pantay ang mga kamay naten. Pinunan ng mga daliri mo ang mga puwang sa pagitan ng mga daliri ko. Nanlalambot ang mga tuhod ko sa tuwing ginagawa naten yun. Nagkaklase tayo pero sa ilalim ng mesa, magkahawak ang mga kamay naten. Wala namang masama dun di ba? Magkatabi kasi tayo non at isang mahabang mesa lang ang gamit ng buong klase. Di naglaon, sa tuwing may gala tayo, magkahawak pa ren ang kamay naten. Natatawa ako ngaun kasi ang childish pala naten noon. Isipin mo, tinatakpan pa naten ng bimpo ang mga kamay naten pag magkahawak tayo. E para namang hindi obvious na magka”holding hands” tayo. Yun pala yun. Yun pala ung tinatawag nilang HHWW. Yun ang unang bes na nagkaroon ako ng ka-HHWW.

Maraming nangyari mula noon. Alam kong may namamagitan sa ating dalawa pero noong panahong yun, hindi ko alam kung ano yun. Sabi ng mga kaibigan naten, MU daw tayo. Buong katangahan ko silang tinanong kung ano yon. Mutual Understanding daw. Siguro nga ganon. Hindi ko alam. Pero alam ko, wala na ang puso ko saken. Ibinigay ko na kasi sayo.

Lumipas ang panahon. May mga pagkakataong hindi na tayo magkasama. May mga pagkakataong parang kagaya ulit ng dati. Paulit-ulit. Masaya. Malungkot. Masaya. Masaya ulit. tas malungkot. tas malungkot ulit.

Pormal kitang niligawan. Sinagot mo ko pero alam kong may iba ka nang “kadurugan ng kamay”. Hinayaan ko lang. Hanggang sa nakipag-cool off ka saken. Nagalit ako dahil hindi ko alam kung anong nagawa ko o hindi ko ginagawa. Cold war ang nangyari. Di tayo nagpapansinan. Di tayo nag-uusap. Hanggang sa nilunok ko ang pride ko at kinausap ka. Nag-usap tayo ng masinsinan at nalaman ko kung bakit. Natatakot ka na makilala ko ang kabuuan mo. Natatakot ka na baka hindi ko magustuhan ang mga hindi maganda mong katangian. Parang natakot ka na baka hindi ka nararapat para saken. Sino ba naman ako? Isa lang naman ako sa maraming gagong hindi perpekto. Pero nasa iyo ang puso ko, pano ko magagawang hindi ka tanggapin? Nagkabalikan tayo. Doon, naging masaya ako ng lubos. Bawat araw, nakangiti akong pumapasok pero syempre sinusundo muna kita. Yun kasi ang dahilan ng pag-ngiti ko. Alam kong sa akin ka lang. At alam mong sa iyo lang ako. Kahit ayaw ng mga kaibigan ko sa iyo, at ayaw ng mga kaibigan mo sa akin, di naten sila inintindi. You and me against the world ang drama natin. Nagtagal tayo. Hanggang sa unti-unting nanlamig ang pagsasama natin.

Nag-umpisa akong makaramdam ng selos. Hindi ko na nakikita ang ibang bagay. Nabulag ako ng selos. Napuno ka saken at naghiwalay tayo. Hindi maganda ang paghihiwalay naten. Hindi tayo nagpansinan. Hanggang sa malapit na tayong gumraduate. Nagkabati tayo bago matapos ang taon pero magkaibigan na lang tayo.

Magkaiba tayo ng kursong kinuha. Magkaiba tayo ng iskwelahang pinasukan. Tuluyan tayong nagkahiwalay.
Habang nagaaral ako, hindi ko na inisip ang ibang babae. Nagsikap na lang ako sa pag-aaral. Pero wala akong puso. Nasa iyo pa ren kasi. Maraming pagkakataon na nagkabalikan tayo pero di na gaya ng dati. Hindi kasi tayo madalas na nagkikita kaya hindi nagwork-out.

Nagtatrabaho na tayo ngaun. Kinalimutan ko na lang lahat. Tsaka, magandang experience naman yung nangyaring yun sa aten kaya dapat maging masaya na lang ako dun. Nag-move on na ko. Alam kong may mga ilang naging boyfriend ka na ren. Ako, may niligawan pero wala nga kasi akong puso kaya wala akong maibigay sa kanya. Di ko na lang iniisip. Sabi ko, darating din yan. Hanggang sa nalaman ko ang isang balita tungkol sayo.

Ang masakit pa, lahat halos ng mga kaibigan naten ay alam. bukod tanging ako lang ang hindi. Kahit ang bestfriend ko hindi sinabi sakin dahil alam niyang masasaktan ako. Lahat sila alam. Ako lang ang hindi. Sa bagay, ano nga bang karapatan ko at feeling ko naman e espesyal ako. pero ikaw. IKAW. hindi mo man lang sinabi sa ken. magkaibigan tayo di ba? nakalimutan mo na ba ako?

Nung nalaman ko, wala akong naramdaman nung una. Manhid yata ako. Hanggang sa unti-unting luminaw ang lahat. Akala ko lang wala akong naramdaman dahil sa sobrang sakit, namanhid pala ako. Un palang sinasabi kong nakapagmove-on na ko, kasinungalingan lang. Di naman ako masasaktan kung wala na talaga akong nararamdaman. Dun ko naisip na wala na talaga tayong pagkakataon. Yoon na ang katapusan. Tuldok. Lahat ng natitirang pag-asa saken, nawalang parang bula. Oo, di ko alam na umaasa pa ren pala ako.

Nung una, kamay ko lang ang dinudurog mo. Ngayon, durog na durog ang puso ko dahil sa’yo. Pero ang durog kong puso, wala pa ren saken. Nasa iyo pa ren eh.

Durog na durog na yan, pwede mo na bang ibalik saken?

hindi ko alam kung bakit ako naiinis
tapos na eh.. ayus na ko.. pero ba’t ganto?
andito ka nanaman sa puso ko…
siguro naiinis ako dahil nagseselos lang ako

pasisiyahin mo ko sa isang araw
pangingitiin, tutuksuhin, lalambingin, paaasahin…
tapos kinabukasan, kanya ka na ulit
masaya ka kasama nya, habang ako, nagdudusa

hindi kita papansinin, pilit na iiwas
pero heto ka, kakausapin mo ko, kahit inaaway kita
tapos, lalambot ang puso ko, mahuhulog muli sa’yo
paglalaruan mo lang naman pero hahayaan ko

sadyang tanga lang ako, ako rin ang may sala
alam ko sandali lang ang ngiti at labis ang hapdi.
hanggang kelan mo ba gagawin to? tigilan mo na ko!
kahit gusto ko, tama na! ginagawa mo kong GAGO!