Worry Not
There’s this project (account) in the office that’s starting again and i am the QA assigned to test it. I got so worried about it that even on weekends, the project bothered me. When we were in Divisoria last saturday to buy shirts for my business I asked wrong to one of the vendors. I was going to ask for directions going to 168 but instead I asked for the wrong number (same number of the project code.) They laughed at me and it was okay. It was hilarious. She said 168 is straight ahead and the other number I said is not yet built. They’d inform me if it’s already there. Of course they’re kidding and I thanked them for the directions and for the good laugh.
I worry a lot. I worry about everything. I know that. So to keep my mind from worrying, I’ve arranged a pretty good line up of activities last weekend. Saturday morning to afternoon, my mother and I went to divisoria to buy shirts as i’ve said. Later that afternoon, we brought Sam, our mini-pinscher, to the vet because he got his leg injured. Turned out that he has weak bones so the vet gave him vitamins, antibiotic, calcium and pain reliever. After going to the vet, we went to my Ninang to just hang out over isaw and ihaw na bulaklak. When we got home at around 8pm, I drew a cartoon of myself inspired by the naruto vector that I saw in divisoria and finished the shirt (drawing, coloring, printing and ironing) by midnight. By the time I was about to worry, I fell asleep. Sweet. Sunday morning, we went to church and then had lunch. When we got home, I turned to the printed drawings that I need to finish cutting and ironing. my body was busy but my mind was somehow thinking about work. After I finished four shirts, we all went out for a badminton session. It’s been a while since I last played badminton so my body still hurts until now after all the “smashing” and “picking up of shuttle cocks.” hehe. I was sorta shy when we played because after about 10 mins, there’s this group of professional-looking players who came but after seeing them play, I was a bit smug. haha. I’m not that bad. nyaha. I’m planning to make the badminton thing a weekly habit. I haven’t had any physical activities for quite some time now. I think my body’s getting weak so let me try this one out. I hope laziness won’t kick in soon. After all the perspiration, we went home, freshened up, had dinner and then went to my friend’s tita’s funeral. Her tita was only 46. Going to funerals makes me realize how life is so short. How we should spend it with things that matter. (NOT work! oops sorry, it slipped. haha.) We went home at around 10pm and I was so tired so I fell asleep as soon as my back touched the bed. Monday wasn’t any good. I woke up early to go to palengke with nanay and Joshua. We went home at around lunchtime and I didn’t have anything to do because I was supposed to be sleeping in preparation for my shift which starts at 11pm. So there, worrying at its best. I don’t even know why I was worrying and what I was worrying about. Maybe because the project was known to be so big that it scares me. I wasn’t able to get a good sleep because of it.
I agreed to be on night shift because there’s noone else to do it but me. They said I am capable that’s why they chose me. We made a compromise because I really have issues on being on nightshift. I get depressed. I left my first job because of the schedule. I don’t like it because it’s not normal. I don’t know. I just don’t like being on night shift. So we agreed. 1.5 months of nightshift and if I really don’t like it, I can go back to dayshift. They just need someone to be there in replacement of the previous QA who left the company. I’ve spent a month already and I can’t wait for the next 3 weeks to be over. I know, we only have 4 nights of work so Friday is all ours. Traffic is not that bad at night. But there’s something in the schedule that makes me sad. I’m holding on to their promise of 1.5 months even when all of the nightshift guys are saying that 1.5 months is actually equal to 1.5 years. No, i have faith on our manager’s words so I believe her. It’s harder because I have a good feeling that the one who would replace me on nightshift is a very close friend and I know that she doesn’t like this schedule just like me. But what can I do? I’m starting to have these thoughts of looking for another job, a better place, better schedule, better work assignments better pay and all. I’m starting to think of the other opportunities I’ve had when I took the offer from this company. I know that these are not good signs at all. It just means that i’m no longer happy with what I’m doing. I didn’t have these thoughts when I was on day shift. I actually liked my job then. I like my job but not the schedule. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me being a DQ all over again. and that’s a sign too. I hope they live up to their promise. If they do. 3 more weeks. 3 more weeks then we’ll see where this goes. 3 more weeks then I hope all these thoughts are gone. 3 more weeks, derick. you can do it. prove them that you can perform even if you don’t like the situation.
It was a struggle to go to the office this day because i’m not feeling well and because I am on a laterr shift. My shift used to be 9pm-7am. Now, it’s 11pm-9am to touchbase with the clients in the morning. I was already coping with 9-7 and then this new schedule. Plus I’ve got the colds today and it’s not cool at all. While I was doing my daily rituals before working, (checking email and all), I saw this quote: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” and I felt better. So the point of this long boring post is actually just to share this quote. to all worrywarts out there like me, this quote is for you.
