The End

January 15, 2009.

Without any idea at all, myself and a whole lot of others were transported from one of our sites to the HR site in Makati. Some had ideas on what is going on. Me? Nah, maybe this isn’t it. maybe, not everybody is sent there to get their heads cut off. besides, we are not really sure of what’s going on. maybe we will be re-assigned to a different group, a different building. maybe this is just a VERY special meeting. special because we’re especially picked up with a rented vehicle from our offices and off to the HR site we go. A VERY special meeting this MUST really be.

Employee A: This is it. Let’s face it. The e-mail sent earlier says it all. This is the end.

Shut up! You’re not sure of that. Maybe you misunderstood the e-mail.

We arrived in the site with a lot of other people scattered around the area. Some of them were my friends. But I did not talk to them. A very weird feeling surrounded the room. As if heavy dark clouds were overtaking my usually sunny and bright sky. It scared the hell out of me. Maybe it is indeed true. Maybe this is really the end. I ignored it and moved out of the room. I went to Starbucks to see if there’s anything that would keep my mind from thinking what the real deal is. There, a lot of my previous teammates were having coffee. Although I have a lot of questions, I didn’t dare ask. I was too scared to do so. But an employee from behind asked them what really is going on. And then they said it. They have confirmed what I was denying since morning. They were separated from the company. They were laid off.

I heard a loud thud from within my chest. The room felt like getting smaller and smaller. Closing in on me.

Denial.
Me: Baka naman hindi lahat ng nandito parepareho ng kaso. Baka naman hindi lahat.
Teammate: Ano ka ba, Derick. Kinuha na nga nila ung Access cards namin eh.

I left the place. I felt heavy. I remained silent.

When it was my turn to have the talk with the SE, I was in a daze. The only question I asked was “Is it because of my performance?” I know for sure that I’m good. You even recognized me “nationwide” not less than 4 months ago. What’s up with that?
He said that it’s a criteria but it does not apply to everybody. What?!

I called my mother to tell her what happened.
Nay, wag ka po mabibigla. Wag muna kayo magrereact. Patapusin nyo po muna ako ha. Okay lang ako.
I was trying very hard to keep my voice from breaking. I should be strong. For my family.
Wala na po akong trabaho…
I didn’t know how to go on. I didn’t know what else to say.
She started crying. She cried really hard.
Oyy, wag naman kayo umiyak. Para namang hindi na ko ulit makakahanap ng trabaho nyan oh. Okay lang yan. I’m only 22, marami pang iba jan. At don’t worry, marami tayong pera. They gave me a huge sum of money. I can even buy laptops for all of us.
I feigned a laugh. A very weak laugh.

The call ended. She was still crying when I said goodbye.

A few minutes later, Tatay called me.
Okay lang yan anak. Nagtitiwala ako sayo. Magaling ka kaya hindi ka mahihirapan humanap ng trabaho. Chance mo na magpahinga. Kahit nga hindi ka muna maghanap ng trabaho. Magpahinga ka muna, anak.
I cried. I always try to be strong for my mother and my siblings. But when it is my father who talks like that, i can’t help but cry. After the call, even though I felt like crying more, I wore a big smile. A lot were crying all around and I did not want to be like them. I just kept on moving away from them.

We were then sent back to our offices to gather our stuffs and save our personal files. “By 4pm, you’ll lose access to the websites and to the office premises as well.” The statement echoed. It repeated over and over on my head as we went back to the office.

When we arrived, those we left that morning in the office were asking us what happened. I just smiled and silently packed my things. I said goodbye. Hugged my dearest friends. Hugged even those I didn’t actually know. Took their mobile numbers. Gave away stuffs as remembrance pieces (and to lessen the things I would need to carry home). I did all those things as fast as i could. The whole floor was sad. The whole floor was shocked.

With one last big sigh, a heavy heart, swollen eyes and a lot of heavy personal things to take home, I took my final step. Headed outside the office premises. Outside the company I thought would be my home for the next 5 years at least. I don’t hold anything against the company. I understand that sh*t happens. and a very big sh*t it was.

to be continued…

~ by derickcreme on July 16, 2009.